New Job, Same Thoughts
I always do this. I always start a new blog then totally forget about it as soon as I get distracted. I am lazy, and I am apparently unable to follow through on most things.
Nonetheless, here I am.
I am feeling pretty down these days. Coronavirus is kicking my ass. Not the actual virus, I don't have that (yet). But isolation, paranoia and just general disdain for most people and conversation these days is making me feel very unlike myself.
I am working from home-new job, same bank (still very sensitive)- and roll out of bed in the morning to put sweats on and go to work. Corey rolls out of bed 2 hours later, then plays video games all day long and makes more money on unemployment than he did at work. Am I wrong for being frustrated about this? I understand this is happening to plenty of people and I am grateful to be working but at the same time, I feel like it is not fair to be working all day while he does nothing, then be expected to clean the house because he doesn't, and help with cooking dinner because he can't, and then also entertain him the rest of the night. I am exhausted.
I love him, I really do. But sometimes it does not feel like he wants to date me, just date someone. Again, he would be crushed if he knew I felt that way. Sometimes I just feel like we are on such different pages in our relationship and it is so hard to move past that. I desperately want this to work, but I am never as sure as he is. Again, sometimes I think he just is happy to have a companion.
We used to be really compatible. We engaged in conversation that was meaningful and learned things about each other. We took the time to get to know eachother and we cared. SO much. I think we have drifted from that. Is that because we are used to eachother now? Or is it more than that and I am too afraid to admit it? Honestly not sure I want to know the answer to that at all.
Nonetheless, here I am.
I am feeling pretty down these days. Coronavirus is kicking my ass. Not the actual virus, I don't have that (yet). But isolation, paranoia and just general disdain for most people and conversation these days is making me feel very unlike myself.
I am working from home-new job, same bank (still very sensitive)- and roll out of bed in the morning to put sweats on and go to work. Corey rolls out of bed 2 hours later, then plays video games all day long and makes more money on unemployment than he did at work. Am I wrong for being frustrated about this? I understand this is happening to plenty of people and I am grateful to be working but at the same time, I feel like it is not fair to be working all day while he does nothing, then be expected to clean the house because he doesn't, and help with cooking dinner because he can't, and then also entertain him the rest of the night. I am exhausted.
I love him, I really do. But sometimes it does not feel like he wants to date me, just date someone. Again, he would be crushed if he knew I felt that way. Sometimes I just feel like we are on such different pages in our relationship and it is so hard to move past that. I desperately want this to work, but I am never as sure as he is. Again, sometimes I think he just is happy to have a companion.
We used to be really compatible. We engaged in conversation that was meaningful and learned things about each other. We took the time to get to know eachother and we cared. SO much. I think we have drifted from that. Is that because we are used to eachother now? Or is it more than that and I am too afraid to admit it? Honestly not sure I want to know the answer to that at all.
Comments
Post a Comment